In my 20s and 30s, I was the worst decision-maker in all of humankind.
You think I exaggerate for effect, but I am confident that a research study would find this to be true. I chose the wrong career. The wrong men. The wrong friends. The wrong lifestyle. Every. Single. Time.
In my 20s and 30s, I also suffered from debilitating depression. I was deeply anxious. I had many panic episodes and engaged in self-harm. I wanted to end my life. I didn’t want to die: I just wanted a way out of the struggle, and suicide seemed my only option.
For a minute, therapy and medication seemed like good options. I was a good patient. I did what my doctors told me to do, took all the pills they told me to take, read the books they told me to read. Months later, I wasn’t any better, but my doctors presented me with another option: to check myself into a mental hospital. So, because I wanted to live, I took it. I went to all the counseling sessions I was told to go to. I obediently swallowed more pills. I followed all the rules.
Months later, I wasn’t any better. In fact, I was more hopeless.
So, I took control.
Take control of your decisions.
At the time, I didn’t have much. Didn’t have much money. Didn’t have any support. But I did have my own decisions. So, I started making some.
I decided I wanted to live, so I removed suicide from my list of options. I decided I was done with my dead-end life, so I quit therapy and meds. I am not advising anyone else should do the same: I am simply telling you what I did.
And what I did was decide to stop drinking. To stop smoking cigarettes. To eat more (I used to starve myself), eat healthier, and exercise. As I did these things, I slept better (I used to be an insomniac). My stress abated, and I found it easier to be thoughtful about other choices, like how to spend my time (focusing on my law school studies) and who to spend time with (avoiding people who weren’t positive influences). My decisions led to better circumstances. Those circumstances led to better options. Those options led to better circumstances, which led to better options… which made me happier. Healthier.
Owning my decision-making got me to a steady place. But then… then I discovered the power of scientific thinking. And things really started to change.
Science works, so use it.
Over time, I was in a place where I could make choices to live rather than survive. So, wanting to an academic life, I chose to go to graduate school. There, I fell under the wing of renowned sociologists in rational choice theory (using economic models of decision-making to explain sociological phenomenon). I studied institutional analysis (the study of social constraints on our individual choices). I learned game theory, agent-based modeling, and behavioral economics. I learned how to answer questions with statistics and the scientific method.
What I learned, I applied to my own life. I started seeing the world – and my circumstances in it – in terms of trade-offs and probabilities. I got better and better at forecasting and measuring risk. I became more attuned to the mental biases and social influences that swayed the course of my life.
And my life became infinitely better.
Am I suicidal today? No. Do I engage in self-harm? No. Do I live a dead-end life? Hardly. I’ve had a vibrant and successful career, am surrounded by great friends, have an amazing partner, and live in a place I love.
Is life easy? No, because it just isn’t. But for someone who didn’t think she’d make it past 30, it is pretty damn good.
Let Decision Science be your guide.
Owning my decisions saved my life. Practicing Decision Science made my life even better. If Decision Science could do this for me, it can do something for you.
Maybe you’re struggling with poor mental health. Maybe your struggle is finding your way out of a crappy job or finding better friends. Or maybe your big struggle each day is deciding what to make for dinner. The magnitude of your challenges isn’t as important as how you choose your way through them. Choose well, and you can improve your chances of having a happier life. Choose poorly, and your chances of achieving fulfillment diminish.
My mission is to make Decision Science easy to digest and applicable to everyday living, then to bring that insight to you. So, follow along. Let’s talk about life and about how Decision Science can make yours better. You might check out my guide (just published) on what to do when therapy isn’t enough. You can reach out if you’re struggling with your next decision - and if you want, I can analyze and write about your decision here (keeping you anonymous), so we can all be in it together.
Life isn’t easy, but it can be better. Happier. Healthier. And it can start with your next decision.
This was a powerful story. Thanks for sharing it with us.
It is well-written, concise, has no fluff, and is right on point. I give it 5/5 stars. I like what you've. You've turned your life around. Life is full of possibilities.