Why Confrontation Is So Hard: The Mental Traps That Keep Us Avoiding Awkward Conversations

If you're afraid to have that conversation, read this. It will help.

Confrontation: it’s the social quicksand that most of us would rather tiptoe around. Whether it’s telling your coworker that their habit of interrupting needs to stop or bringing up your partner’s annoying tendency to be glued to their phone, just the thought of speaking up can make your stomach churn. So, what’s really going on in our heads when we avoid these moments? The answer lies in how our brains work—specifically, in how they predict reality.

1. Your Brain Is a Prediction Machine

Neuroscience research reveals that our brains don’t just passively receive information; they actively predict what’s going to happen next. As neuroscientist David Eagleman explains, we move through the world with our brains constantly anticipating outcomes and filling in the gaps. When we think about confrontation, our brains do a quick scan of past experiences, anxieties, and fears to create a simulation of what’s likely to happen. But here’s the catch: these predictions can be way off.