Why We Can’t Stop Giving Unwanted Advice: The Curse of the Expert Fallacy

A thoughtful approach to truly supporting those who turn to us.

The other day, I was talking to a friend about my dad. My dad is… complicated. We’ve always had a difficult relationship, and communication between us feels like walking a tightrope. If I don’t say anything, he assumes agreement—or worse, indifference. If I do speak up, it often escalates into an argument. I’ve been struggling with how to manage this, and sometimes, I just need someone to listen. Not fix. Not judge. Just hear me.

But when I opened up to my friend, instead of offering a safe space, he did the thing that frustrates me most in these moments: he gave me advice. “If you don’t say anything around your dad,” he suggested, “you won’t get into an argument.”

“I’ve tried that,” I told him. “But it doesn’t work. I can’t sit there with things to say and not say them. To avoid arguments, I’d have to convince myself that my thoughts are unimportant, and I can’t harm myself that way.”

He wasn’t convinced. “You can do it,” he said. “You just need more self-control.”

I pushed back, explain…